July 24, 2021
Ahh, I love this community so much!
I’m not even sure what to call this new project of mine … where folks write in with something on their heart … and then I choose one and share it out with our email list and see who has tips, tricks, advice, words of wisdom or love.
I was so touched when I saw these responses come in - so heart-warming! And so much talent, unique perspective and above all -- compassion!
I’m sure all of us can relate to this topic and learn something from the insights shared.
Finding your tribe, even if that is one other person, can be so difficult. One place we often forget to look is within our homes, our surroundings, for energy and support.
Because our homes are a reflection of our life, the energy of our homes gets stuck and we can feel stuck. To start, two areas of your home to tune into, according to the teachings of Feng Shui, are Family & Community and Fame & Reputation.
Stand at your the front door of your home (the main front door) and notice what area is the center, fall left area of your home (Family & Community) and what area is the center, back of your home (Fame & Reputation).
Make sure both spaces, if not your whole home, are decluttered. But start in these two areas. Remove at least 3 things from each area that no longer resonate with you anymore. Now, detail out 3 shifts you would like to see in each area of your life. And now, bring in, from other parts of your home, 3 items that align to nature. Keep reading...
Family & Community :: who you connect with in the World. Let go of three items, detail three things you want in your family relationships and how you want to interact with a Community (friends). Now bring in three items that represent the wood element - plants, wooden picture frames for your pictures, florals, etc.
Fame & Reputation :: how you are being seen in the World. Even though you are introverted, you still want to be seen by others in order to form those friendships. So, declutter three items, Detail three ways you want to be seen, your reputation. And now bring in 3 items representing the element of fire. The colors of fire, lighting, a nightlight to leave on, a candle that you burn, sunrise/sunset art.
Allow both of these areas to remind you that you are ready to be seen and heard in your relationships. Feel these areas of your life grow and light up. Stand in your light as you build your tribe of one or many.
Sara Bird Nelson
I know this feeling of not belonging to others too. In my experience, what helped me the most was to accept and love myself more. The more you love yourself, the more self-assurance and self-confidence you radiate to the outside world and the more positive feedback you get.
At the same time, it is important to realize that you don't have to get along with everyone and that there will always be people who are not on the same wavelength as you.
A few months ago I did a confidence challenge with hypnotherapist Marisa Peer and it helped me tremendously. I also had the feeling that people reacted differently to me after finishing the course. Here is a link to Marisa Peer & the challenge.
Hi, as an extrovert turned into ambivert with age my advice to you would be people love talking about themselves so a great way to connect with others is to ask them questions, so they can tell you as much as they can about themselves in different scenarios. Also I personally don’t ask people at first meeting ‘What do you do’? Because imagine they are out of a job or they hate their job — it can create awkwardness — instead ask them: what do you do for fun? ; D
Hope that helps! All the best.
Areena from Thailand
I think it’s commendable that you’re aware of how you feel. We are all just trying to fit in, it’s just who we are. Some people, even though they may “seem” as though they are so socially accepted, usually are the ones that have conformed to the “norms” of society. Being awkward is a sure sign that you have kept your own originality intact. Having said that, it doesn’t help when we want so much to fit in and be remembered for parties and other social gatherings.
My suggestion would be for you to create a gathering - be the one who invites others over, and then hang loose, get to know the people you want to be close to. Find out what makes them happy, you see, it’s not as easy as it looks, bonds and friendships are made over people being aligned and in resonance with some things, while still being able to bring something original to the table, but more often than not, it usually starts with similarities.
Hope this helps! Don’t worry, we are all feeling the way you feel, but you’re just brave enough to want to change it and move into the oneness of your tribe.
God bless — Mona S.
I have been classified as an introvert or shy most of my life. I have learned over my 60 years of life that being an introvert is a gift. Making friends has never been easy but gravitating towards those that are similar to my introverted qualities has made for lifelong friends. I tend to become more extroverted around others once I learn more about them. Asking questions about their life, what makes them happy, hobbies, family etc. Typically, I find out we have something in common and that makes for more ease in getting acquainted. Taking that first step to meet for coffee or a meal is the hardest part but so worth the effort.
The flowers have helped me too! They are like little fae taking me by the hand and helping me step out of my comfort zone. Having a smaller circle of friends is much sweeter.
When reading this email, I almost felt like I could have written it myself! You are not alone. I don't have advice exactly, but I will share what I am actively working on (it's a process, always).
1. Stop trying to change/ heal/ "fix" yourself. This is so hard to do, but when we constantly think we need to be different, it reinforces the belief that there is something wrong with us, or there is a "right" way to be in the world.
2. Be awkward. Showing up with your awkwardness/ uncertainty/ vulnerability in your interactions will draw the right people to you. And it might not be everyone, and that's ok. Trying to please, or be something you are not will push others away.
3. Limit social media. Game changer.
Hope this helps! You are not alone in feeling this way.
With love, Amanda
I could have written that letter, I feel the exact same way. If I had any advice to share it would be – have a few conversation starter questions in advance, such as “Have you gone on any vacations lately?” or “How has work been going?”, smile and be friendly. Most people love to talk a lot more than listen so they will talk about themselves.
The other thing I would say is accept yourself as you are. I enjoy one or two close friends, I do not like a big group filled with drama. Just because other people do, does not make them “more loved” or somehow “better”.
Thank you, Kate
When I find myself feeling like everyone knows something I don’t, I always look to that part of myself that believed it as a child. And I often realize it was the other way around. They had secrets, but I had one too. And mine was soooo special I would choose to not join the crowd because I didn’t want to fit in. When you’re a unique soul it’s hard to be a part of the crowd because inside you know you’re not here to follow the leader. So why not check in with the leader within you and let her show you what you really want! You might realize you’re perfectly content right where you are.
This is something I can relate to! I've found comfort in realizing how much I value my peace, and being around anyone that takes away from that isn't worth it. I've tried to make friends in new places -- and age groups! I've met really wonderful people through local museum events, and recently at a wedding mentioned a hobby to someone who happens to be part of a group who enjoy that hobby. The average age for the group is roughly double my age and I wouldn't have found out about it had I not mentioned it to a stranger! I'm a little socially awkward and am quick to tell people my interests, and when we have mutual interests and they embrace my quirks it feels like a good connection. Not everyone can be at peace in solitude and I think that's pretty cool. Be yourself unapologetically and the right people will embrace you. Good luck friend!
As someone who is very social and can still feel like a loner, I recently learned that I am perfectly me. Through my certification of Human Design & BG5, I honor (through information and language) that we are uniquely designed. So your natural feeling of shyness and enjoying solitude is intuitively you honoring your design, whereas feeling left out or that you need to be a certain way is the conditioning of society on you and your perceptions. You get to create your reality in honor of who you are! Please keep in touch, if this resonates. I am on a mission to support anyone who I am called to. I intend to dynamically awaken everyone to their unique power so they can move forward feeling inspired and inspiring those around them, whether 1 person or 1,000,000 people.
I am designed to walk this life solo and in doing so empowering others! I am in service.
With love & light, Jackie
I would like to share that I, too, used to be shy and feel awkward. My advice is to embrace your uniqueness, don't hide from it! I also enjoy my solitude, so I have that in common! I try to balance that with family and friend time. Most of all, I would like to let this person know that she is a beautiful soul.
Blessings, Julie W
I am friendly and look at everyone as my brother or sister, especially if I sense that I would like them. Some have said that I was a friend before we were even introduced. So I expect people to be the same way. When they're not, I wish them well and move on.
I never had any arguments with my friends growing up. My first friend was one I met the 1st day of 1st grade, and we are friends to this day, 50 yrs later.
As an older adult, I think about my friends and call when I get a chance. Same with relatives. Groups of like-minded people are great places to start. Churches or temples are really good, especially if you go to their social events.
And go out and do things you love to do -- to bring forth people with similar energies — that can be a lot of fun. I highly recommend it!
Nectarine Blossom :: magnify camaraderie, sweetness and sense of being among friends
Desert Milkweed :: accept ourselves as we are & dissolve fears around looking foolish
Jade Vine :: experience deeper intimacy and engagement with others
Wild Pansy :: dissolve shyness, awkwardness and social unease, and be more uninhibited
Every now and then we’ll put the call out to the community for advice, wisdom and insights and then share it with everyone, in case anyone else has a similar weight on their heart.
Love + flower petals,